You know you're in med school when

-You blame neurotransmitters for anything going wrong in your life

-You can have a conversation about the abscess you drained today while eating cream of broccoli soup without any problem at all. Or for that matter, over any kind of meal.

-You have named a dead person…and talked to them about your stresses while finding their lumbar plexus

-You know that specialties are pre-defined by personality type.

-When you go out with non-medical students, you're abnormally quiet, because you don't know what to talk about besides med school.

-You can name the four people in your class who are the question-asker, the arguer, the bigshot doctor's son/daughter and the stoner/alkie/druggie who's never IN class.

-You know countless dirty mnemonics for parts of the body, but couldn't tell anyone what the front-page headline today is.

-Your life consists of three parts: studying, drinking, and sleeping.

-You refer to the semesters you took organic chemistry as "The Good Old Days."

-You consistently tell people that they just don't understand how bad it really is.

-You don't bother dating because the divorce rate is 70% for physicians.

-You question every day if you should drop out and open a coffee shop, then realize that as soon as you were two semesters into med school, you were too far in debt to be anything but a doctor.

-People assume you know something when you tell them you're in med school, but you know that you haven't learned anything.

-You can name 3 specialties you're interested in, then immediately rule two of them out because they don't pay well enough to pay off your debt.

-You can name at least three people whose parents pushed them into med school, when they really wanted to be a vet/beautician/teacher/etc.

-A "study group" is you, your syllabus, and your red bull.

-You assess beverages for amount of caffeine before buying only those with more caffeine than coffee. Then you explain to the cashier how caffeine works for you.

-You've done physical exams on your roommate, boyfriend, girlfriend, and any close friends.

-You think "AWESOME!" if someone keels over in front of you.

-You're still excited to see "real patients."

-You speak only in acronyms and abbreviations; HIV, CMV, USMLE, Dx, Px.

-You meet someone and have to put off a date for months because you're crazy busy.

-Advisors tell you that you have to balance your life with med school, and then are baffled when you ask them how to do it.

-You've been told by at least 2 mentors that you really don't want to go into medicine.

-You're really frightened by the thought of some of your classmates becoming doctors.

-You go a week without sleeping with no problem at all.

-Grey's Anatomy, House, Scrubs, Dr. 90210, Nip/Tuck and ER are your favorite shows, but you point out all the wrong things in them all the time.

-You have diagnosed yourself or others with at least 5 rare diseases (PML, Kaposi's sarcoma, Measles, Rheumatic Heart Disease, etc.)