Silence

Ever felt the urge to speak disappear when you're with someone?


And whats left is a silence, a void of sound...save for the background noise, crickets chirping etc.








This silence can either be comforting or painfully akward, depending on who you're with. I suspect the latter is more common between the two genders.



As for me, it's a strange mixture of both. Communicating is not all about talking. Nor about being funny or interesting. Sometimes, chemistry between two souls is strongest when no words are exchanged at all. When I stone, it does not mean I lost interest in you. My mind's just blank, like a slate. Still appreciate the company though.



Silence speaks volumes.





Perhaps this gives new meaning to 'SHUT UP'. Just my five cents.

Remembering Australia: The first few moments

It was in January 2005 that I first stepped foot on this land called Oz. The first sentence of Aussie I heard was from the the guy arranged to pick me up from Perth International Airport:

Driver: G'day, you must be Chris
Me: That's right. Nice to meet you.
Driver: So, you came here TO DIE?
Me: .............



Go figure.

Priceless

Taxi ride to Sunway Pyramid: RM 5.00

Getting hair cut at 'A Cut Above": RM 40.00

Fulfilling lifelong desire to be a walking billboard: Priceless. Bloody Priceless.

1st Year Posers

I thought that I was the biggest poser......until I saw this piccie. Looks like the first year meddies are total pros at this. A-high a-five! (Borat voice)




From left: Shazeea, Joel, Ali, Hui Sze+Raye, Wee Shuan, Aiman

Who's this old guy?

One week to exam, so I'm desperately hitting the books. After about an hour of studying in the library, I decided to take 5 and have a short stroll to relax. Guess who I saw? Some old white bearded guy in an off-white suit. With a bunch of eager-looking college staff following him around. Naturally curious, I went to take a closer look.

As I suspected, he wasn't just a random person coming for a visit. I learnt from a staff member that he was Sir Chris Bonington, a mountaineering legend and adventurer in Britain. Apparently, he led many expeditions up Everest, K2, and other dangerous peaks over the past 40 years. Plus, he's still climbing after all these years! And I read his book 'K2-The Story of the Savage Mountain' a long time ago. Pretty inspiring. So, yeah...on to photo op time with shameless me..



The famous Chris with the not-so-famous Chris


Looks can be deceiving eh? I guess I should give climbing a try when I have the time. Probably not K2 or Everest. Mount Kinabalu anyone?

Funny restaurant

Went to Anna's CF along with Alex and Laura on Friday. After that, we had lunch at Asia Cafe. Walking towards the food stalls, something caught my eye and I coudn't help smiling........................














A restaurant painted pink, and appropriately named Pin Kee (pronounced as 'Pinky')

And guess what? Just above it is CSI: Las Vegas Miami Muzik Studio!

I can only imagine how it looks like inside there:

Being a man: Being decisive

Well, sorry ladies, this may not really be of use to you. Maybe otherwise. But I target this at the guys, the men, the males, my brothers. It also serves as a personal note to myself. You may call it self improvement, I call it self awakening.

As a male, a man-in-the-making, a growing Christian man....I have always wondered, what qualities make a true man. Would it be enjoying sport and be good at it? Or enjoying a few pints with some mates? I guess girls would generally dismiss most manly behaviour as childish, even undesireble. But come to think of it, God hardwired or brains differently. Ask any girl what their perfect male would be, and they would likely answer..

"oh ya, i'd like him to be tall, smart, articulate, caring, good husband material, sensitive, charming..bla bla bla..."

Yeah, you got that clearly. But then, when such a man comes along, the girl would say:

"hmm, he's too perfect. He's probably gay"


But I'm digressing here. Guys, wer'e not talking about what women want in us, we're talking about what we want in ourselves. In my opinion, there is something important seperating boys from MEN.

It's DECISIVENESS. That's right, DECISIVENESS...or rather the lack of it, INDECISIVENESS


Men are decisive. Better, men are SUPPOSED to be decisive.In prehistoric times, men HAD to be decisive. If there was a female nearby, you had to think fast, club her over the head, and drag her back into your cave. Failing to decide and act meant failing to spread your seed, and you know what that means..extinction.

But these days, the qualities of an ideal man has gone through some transformation. For the worse I fear. Just watch sappy TVB and Korean dramas. We are expected to be accomodating and tolerant towards the fairer gender, and among ourselves to boot. While I do agree to some extent that we should be sensitive and all, I believe that a lot of us have taken it to an extreme. And thus, we have the whiners, the people pleasers, the fence-sitters. Indecisive boys we are, and I'm still in the process of escaping.



"our level of manliness nowadays"




Firstly, let's look at the factors preventing us from being decisive.


BEING A CROWD PLEASER.
Definitely something I'm avoiding currently. Back when I was in primary school, I was the good boy. The one getting good grades, the one pleasing the teachers and my parents. Boy, it felt good to receive approval. But I knew it was wrong. If you really love others, be honest with them, even if its brutal. To sugar coat things and refrain from critism would be plain selfish. This isn't kindness, it's manipulation.


FEAR OF REJECTION.
I can safely say that most of you wll share this fear to some extent. Probably one of my deepest fears and I'm still overcoming it gradually. Its like: "I cant decide, because you may not like it, it may be wrong, you may reject me." That is just cowardice. If someone rejects you for a wrong decision, accept it and move on with your life. It's not easy, but that's crucial to being a true man.


FEAR OF BEING WRONG.
For the anal-retentive among you out there. Sure, a lot of us are perfectionists. But sometimes, we are put into situations where quick decisions need to be made. Just like the last PCL, where a junior doctor was left with a dying patient with an acute hemothorax. He performed a chest drainage, but a slight error cost the patient her life. He found it difficult to move on. But he did what he had to do. A quote I remembered while watching Battlestar Galactica (a sci-fi series) goes something like this.

A true man may not always make the right decisions, but he accepts his mistakes, though he may not admit it publicly, and moves on.


WANTING TO KEEP OPTIONS OPEN.
Face it, we can't be indecisive when it comes to important things. When I chose Medicine, it means I'm choosing against Music or Arts. Don't blame me, I'm also very interested in them. But sometimes you have to let things go, because they may affect your effectivity. I do not regret my decision, even though I'm sacrificing things dear to me. But I still hope to teach my children guitar when the time comes :) Same applies to when it comes to God. As Jesus said: "You are either for me or against me. Whose side are you on?" There is no grey area. If your heart is not fully with God, then you are against Him. Ah, I struggle with that sometimes. Lots of temptation and doubts. Alcohol, social life and expectations. What's right and what's wrong. Sometimes, I put one foot in godly things, and the other in worldly things. I want the best of both worlds, though I know it's wrong. Many of us do that. I'm in the process of changing that, though I find it difficult.


I want to be a man, a better man. I'll start by overcoming indecisiveness first. One step at a time. Here's another quote I found to be so true:

"Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything." Alexander Hamilton

Audioblog: Better Together

Trust me, I'm not so into singing. But I can't help but like Jack Johnson's Better Together. So, hear this pirated malaysian cover by me:



Thanks Christine for lending me your guitar.

And for the laydees, the fumbling sound in the background is of gary changing :P

Of Being a Banana

I admit it. I'm a banana. A member of the Chinese community with almost zero proficiency in Mandarin. I can't speak Mandarin to save my life, yet alone have meaningful conversation with a pure Mandarin speaker. I might be able to pick up a few words, but pair me with a Mandarin speaker and we'll be like a chicken and a duck in the same cage.

And knowing a few Hokkien and Mandarin profanities does not count either. That still makes you a banana. A twinkie. You know, as they say, yellow outside, white inside. A 'guay lo' or 'ang moh' in yellow skin. Heck, bananas think and dream in one language; English. And to American/Australian Born Chinese (ABCs), I feel you too.




Bananas blend in pretty well




With almost a quarter of the world speaking Mandarin, bananas may feel a little bit left out. Well, maybe VERY left out. As bananas are of Chinese descent, they are considered outcasts by some of their Mandarin speaking cousins, as a Chinese not knowing Mandarin is like Spongebob without Patrick. I know, BAD analogy, but you catch my drift. Bananas often have bad encounters with older generation Chinese, who scold them for not knowing their mother tongue. Face it, they probably think we are retards! Some bananas try to speak Mandarin, with weird intonation...and their conversations may probably end up like this:

(At a local Malaysian hawker centre)

Banana(thinking): I need to take a piss. Where's the damn toilet? I'm gonna ask that laksa hawker.
Banana: Err...excuse me...Wo Yao Chi Cheh Suo ( I want to eat toilet)
Hawker: Hah? Sheh Mer? Ni Yau Chi Sheh Mer? (Huh, what do you want to eat?)
Banana: Wo Yao Chi Cheh Suo! ( I want to eat toilet!)

...Hawker takes it as a personal insult and beats up the poor surprised banana...


Among some Chinese communities, bananas are thought of as snobs as most of them speak somewhat superior English. However, this perception is wrong in most cases as most bananas are like everyone else. Some of us at least try to speak Mandarin, okay? Only those bananas who insist that the "Queen's English" is the only civilised language should be frowned upon. Luckily for us, they are a but a tiny minority among bananas. Male bananas are also placed at a disadvantage, as most Mandarin speaking chicks are beyond their reach. As for the female bananas, you ask them yourself! :P


Should I be proud of being a banana? I can't answer that question, but yeah....I'm definitely not ashamed of myself! Diss us and face the consequences.

Back in the fray

It's been a long while since I last blogged, and I apologize for the hiatus.

Anyway, it's already into my fourth week of 2nd year medicine. It's pretty much the same as what I had last year, only with a smaller bunch of meddies, plus 60 fresh-faced 1st years. I'm already starting to feel a tinge of regret for leaving some of my close pals behind in Melbourne.

But alas, due to inevitable financial reasons, here I am, smack in the middle of bustling Bandar Sunway, hopefully awaiting the moment when I can finally swear the Hippocrates Oath, and then get treated like sh*t as a hapless intern. Its worth it, I repeat to myself. Just worth it.

As the new university campus is still under construction as of now, the only faculty available is, you guessed it, the School of Medicine and Health Sciences. Everyone else will move in by the next semester, July being my best guess. In my opinion, the facilities in the new Malaysian are comparable to those in Clayton, except for the damn plastic lecture theatre seats. Everything is brand new and shiny. I do miss the sickly sweet smell of cadavers back in Clayton, as these are replaced by plastinated (think petrified like in Harry Potter) human beings in the new campus. Prodding the brain with my fingers didn't feel too special, as the cadavers are literally part-plastic and part-organic!

Lectures, tutes and pracs are conducted in the same way here, with local professors-cum-doctors replacing their Australian counterparts. The lecturers are more accessible to students and are way more flexible compared to some of the more jaded and weary professors we had back in Clayton campus. It's a plus in a way, and hopefully it'll stay that way in the future.

I'll be having my clinical visits soon (tomorrow!). And my biggest challenge here is yet to be overcome, more specifically dealing with patients who may or may not speak English. After all, I'm a banana...the species of Chinese incompetent with their mother tongue. I can just imagine myself interviewing my patient:


Me: Good morning, Mrs Tan. I would like to ask you a few questions. Would that be fine with you?

Mrs Tan: You ask me for what? Oke lor.

Me: Thank you Mrs Tan. Firstly, what brings you here?

Mrs Tan: My husband drive me here la.. Why u ask??

Me: Uh, sorry...I mean, what are you here for?

Mrs Tan: Ni hui zhiang hua yu ma? Wo de tu zhi hen tong.

Me: Erm..(long pause)..tu zhi tong....you mean your stomach hurts? I'm sorry Mrs tan, I can only listen to Mandarin, cannot really speak.

Mrs Tan: Aiya, ni bu hui zhiang hua yu? What lar...even three year old can speak better than you! Not malu one! And you call yourself doctor summore! -_-"

Me: :-(

Damn! I only had experience interviewing Aussies. I guess I've got a lot of learning to be done. My Malay is still functional, and my next stop, Tamil! Wish me luck cos I'm gonna need it.