Being a man: Being decisive

Well, sorry ladies, this may not really be of use to you. Maybe otherwise. But I target this at the guys, the men, the males, my brothers. It also serves as a personal note to myself. You may call it self improvement, I call it self awakening.

As a male, a man-in-the-making, a growing Christian man....I have always wondered, what qualities make a true man. Would it be enjoying sport and be good at it? Or enjoying a few pints with some mates? I guess girls would generally dismiss most manly behaviour as childish, even undesireble. But come to think of it, God hardwired or brains differently. Ask any girl what their perfect male would be, and they would likely answer..

"oh ya, i'd like him to be tall, smart, articulate, caring, good husband material, sensitive, charming..bla bla bla..."

Yeah, you got that clearly. But then, when such a man comes along, the girl would say:

"hmm, he's too perfect. He's probably gay"


But I'm digressing here. Guys, wer'e not talking about what women want in us, we're talking about what we want in ourselves. In my opinion, there is something important seperating boys from MEN.

It's DECISIVENESS. That's right, DECISIVENESS...or rather the lack of it, INDECISIVENESS


Men are decisive. Better, men are SUPPOSED to be decisive.In prehistoric times, men HAD to be decisive. If there was a female nearby, you had to think fast, club her over the head, and drag her back into your cave. Failing to decide and act meant failing to spread your seed, and you know what that means..extinction.

But these days, the qualities of an ideal man has gone through some transformation. For the worse I fear. Just watch sappy TVB and Korean dramas. We are expected to be accomodating and tolerant towards the fairer gender, and among ourselves to boot. While I do agree to some extent that we should be sensitive and all, I believe that a lot of us have taken it to an extreme. And thus, we have the whiners, the people pleasers, the fence-sitters. Indecisive boys we are, and I'm still in the process of escaping.



"our level of manliness nowadays"




Firstly, let's look at the factors preventing us from being decisive.


BEING A CROWD PLEASER.
Definitely something I'm avoiding currently. Back when I was in primary school, I was the good boy. The one getting good grades, the one pleasing the teachers and my parents. Boy, it felt good to receive approval. But I knew it was wrong. If you really love others, be honest with them, even if its brutal. To sugar coat things and refrain from critism would be plain selfish. This isn't kindness, it's manipulation.


FEAR OF REJECTION.
I can safely say that most of you wll share this fear to some extent. Probably one of my deepest fears and I'm still overcoming it gradually. Its like: "I cant decide, because you may not like it, it may be wrong, you may reject me." That is just cowardice. If someone rejects you for a wrong decision, accept it and move on with your life. It's not easy, but that's crucial to being a true man.


FEAR OF BEING WRONG.
For the anal-retentive among you out there. Sure, a lot of us are perfectionists. But sometimes, we are put into situations where quick decisions need to be made. Just like the last PCL, where a junior doctor was left with a dying patient with an acute hemothorax. He performed a chest drainage, but a slight error cost the patient her life. He found it difficult to move on. But he did what he had to do. A quote I remembered while watching Battlestar Galactica (a sci-fi series) goes something like this.

A true man may not always make the right decisions, but he accepts his mistakes, though he may not admit it publicly, and moves on.


WANTING TO KEEP OPTIONS OPEN.
Face it, we can't be indecisive when it comes to important things. When I chose Medicine, it means I'm choosing against Music or Arts. Don't blame me, I'm also very interested in them. But sometimes you have to let things go, because they may affect your effectivity. I do not regret my decision, even though I'm sacrificing things dear to me. But I still hope to teach my children guitar when the time comes :) Same applies to when it comes to God. As Jesus said: "You are either for me or against me. Whose side are you on?" There is no grey area. If your heart is not fully with God, then you are against Him. Ah, I struggle with that sometimes. Lots of temptation and doubts. Alcohol, social life and expectations. What's right and what's wrong. Sometimes, I put one foot in godly things, and the other in worldly things. I want the best of both worlds, though I know it's wrong. Many of us do that. I'm in the process of changing that, though I find it difficult.


I want to be a man, a better man. I'll start by overcoming indecisiveness first. One step at a time. Here's another quote I found to be so true:

"Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything." Alexander Hamilton