Thursday, May 31, 2007

Moving on

I should have seen it coming,

I know, it was fast swift and cruel,

A heavy blow.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

No one to blame but myself.

Hope you'll be fine again.






I took out the guitar,

and sang these lines till my fingers hurt.

I dedicate it to you.








When you're down and troubled

And you need some love and care

And nothing, nothing is going right

Close your eyes and think of me

And soon I will be there

To brighten up even the darkest night


You just call out my name

And you know wherever I am

I'll come running to see you again

Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall

All you have to do is call

And I'll be there yes I will

You've got a friend

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

What I've Learnt: 1st half 2007

It has been approximately half a year since the last time I said my goodbyes and embarked on yet another journey in a new place, albeit one closer to home. New challenges, new passion, new distractions, new people and most impotantly, new hope. But I won't exactly call it a roller coaster ride. Life's been good, almost too good. I am grateful, truly grateful for the many blessings generously poured out for me. To describe it more aptly, my cup overflows.




Which brings me to these questions lingering over me. Have I learnt anything new? Have I grown into a better man, a better doctor (wannabe), a better friend, a better son? Those who know me may see things I've overlooked, and as my friend Anna eloquently puts it, I have changed substantially over these past one-and-a-half years. For the better, hopefully.



In brief introspection, here are the things I've learnt within this period:


1. I've learnt the importance of managing my priorities. If I fail to get them sorted out, nothing would be accomplished.

2. I've learnt the importance of relying on God, but I realise that He gave us brains to use, so why not act with wisdom...instead of whining helplessly to heaven?

3. I've learnt to appreciate people for who they are, to scratch beneath the surface and discover new perspectives on life. To savor their experiences and enjoy the warmth of company. And yearn for more, perhaps :)

4. To appreciate my parents for what they have done for me; their sacrifices allowing me to fulfill my potential and realise my dreams. Though I may not voice it out explicitly, this sense of gratitude has always been within me. And the older I get, the more I cherish them.

5. I've learnt the importance of being more decisive. Trust me, it really is the substance that seperates the men from the boys.

6. I've learnt to control myself from solving things I should more appropriately leave to God. It contradicts No. 2

7. I've learnt that obedience is better than sacrifice. God's Word can be powerful when I least expect it.

8. Advice can be the most valuable thing, or the most worthless. It depends on how the intended recepient takes it.

9. Too many bananas will stop the heart. And too much garlic will cause you to bleed to death!






I've experienced more than a new hairstyle.....





Plus new questions yet to be answered:


1. Will I ever get some privacy? I wonder if everyone with a room mate feels the same way. It gets me worked up in ways I do not expect. It's not a pretty sight.

2. Will I ever get the same amount of sleep I would like? Or would I have to adjust to the increasing workload and give up those few precious hours in the morning. You know, sleeping in? :P

3. Do some people deserve the problems they face? Have they brought it upon themselves?

4. Is it wrong to tell someone the truth about how you feel about them, even if it might offend them? But not telling them would be cruel, no?

5. Will I ever tell someone my true feelings for them? Eh-HEM...you know..I'm still new to this concept. I'm not that confident, even if looks may betray it. Must I act promptly, or take it easy? I'll opt for the latter at this moment, even though I may regret my decision later!

6. Am I metro? I do very well hope not






Or a change of cup size...but it's not my experience ;p

Saturday, May 26, 2007

What They Say

You know that song by Christina Aguilera that goes,

I'm beautiful
no matter what they say
'cos words can't bring me down...


I hear it blaring out in shopping malls and cafes around town. And I bet it must be the rallying cry to those who feel misunderstood and despised and all, yeah?



But that song makes me wonder sometimes, to what extent do I care how others perceive me to be? On one hand, there's this part of me that goes,

Be yourself. Yea, you DAA MAN. Don't give a damn what others think. It's their loss anyway.

on the other,

Oh, he/she said I'm a bit too nice/harsh/being an a**hole. I must not displease him/her. The sky is falling. God have mercy on me a forsaken sinner!


Well, I take for granted that I know this. It's in the balance. You must not be on either extremes. But there's something else really bothering me. You see, over these years, I've come to despise this line:


Oh, he's a nice guy


Perhaps I'm a bit sensitive, but it never fails to upset me when a friend of mine uses that to describe me. It sounds like reading an eulogy for a stranger. Well, to be honest, its not his or her fault. Maybe we're just not that close. Overly sensitive me.

But it really hurts when someone says that, and you know you could describe them better yourself. When you thought you knew each other better. Insults would be better, seriously. And we drift apart. With not even a passing thought about each other for the remainder of our ephemeral (note: mmmm...nice complicated word) life. And I thought we were friends.

Enough of that, here's what some of my friends or acquaintances have described me:


Shy, introverted- Ahh...that was true. Back in those days. And I thought I'd never grow out of it. But praise God, I can look back on it as a phase. A phase in life. But there are still some remnants, cookie crumbs you might say.

Sweet- Mmm....that's nice. Let me imagine how the conversation would continue:
Me: My, how sweet of you to call me sweet
Friend: That's awfully sweet of you to call me sweet
compliments continue indefinitely.......

Religious- Don't like that word too much. Implies snobbishness, 'holier than thou' aura, mindless adherance, routine. Which is not the actual case.

Clever- I'm flattered. But grades don't determine your level of intellect.

Hardworking- I'm sorry. Nothing could be further from the truth. I carry the anatomy book around just to remind me to study. It's all out of guilt.

Handsome- Haha, this pumps up my ego easily. Mostly from my friend's parents and old 'aunties' :P ....and disturbingly, the compliments come, disproportionately from those with the Y chromosome. Creepy. Enough said.

A Dipsh*t buddy- Thanks Brian! Really appreciate that. I'm not being ironic either. Miss being called that.

Marvin- The robot from "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". Ever depressed. Hopefully that's part of the past.

Chrissypoo, he needs to be more gentleman- from Steph Sii. Point taken.

Aiyoh, he cannot take care of himself. He's so absent minded- Mum, you win. But I'm learning.




But at the end of the day *cue random Grey's Anatomy music*...I'll repeat it...It's all in the balance. Halfway between being totally oblivious and being a crowd pleaser. Just remember to be true to yourself, no double life. And try to be like Him up there.



How would you like to be described anyway?

Saturday, May 19, 2007

You know you're in med school when




-You blame neurotransmitters for anything going wrong in your life

-You can have a conversation about the abscess you drained today while eating cream of broccoli soup without any problem at all. Or for that matter, over any kind of meal.

-You have named a dead person…and talked to them about your stresses while finding their lumbar plexus

-You know that specialties are pre-defined by personality type.

-When you go out with non-medical students, you're abnormally quiet, because you don't know what to talk about besides med school.

-You can name the four people in your class who are the question-asker, the arguer, the bigshot doctor's son/daughter and the stoner/alkie/druggie who's never IN class.

-You know countless dirty mnemonics for parts of the body, but couldn't tell anyone what the front-page headline today is.

-Your life consists of three parts: studying, drinking, and sleeping.

-You refer to the semesters you took organic chemistry as "The Good Old Days."

-You consistently tell people that they just don't understand how bad it really is.

-You don't bother dating because the divorce rate is 70% for physicians.

-You question every day if you should drop out and open a coffee shop, then realize that as soon as you were two semesters into med school, you were too far in debt to be anything but a doctor.

-People assume you know something when you tell them you're in med school, but you know that you haven't learned anything.

-You can name 3 specialties you're interested in, then immediately rule two of them out because they don't pay well enough to pay off your debt.

-You can name at least three people whose parents pushed them into med school, when they really wanted to be a vet/beautician/teacher/etc.

-A "study group" is you, your syllabus, and your red bull.

-You assess beverages for amount of caffeine before buying only those with more caffeine than coffee. Then you explain to the cashier how caffeine works for you.

-You've done physical exams on your roommate, boyfriend, girlfriend, and any close friends.

-You think "AWESOME!" if someone keels over in front of you.

-You're still excited to see "real patients."

-You speak only in acronyms and abbreviations; HIV, CMV, USMLE, Dx, Px.

-You meet someone and have to put off a date for months because you're crazy busy.

-Advisors tell you that you have to balance your life with med school, and then are baffled when you ask them how to do it.

-You've been told by at least 2 mentors that you really don't want to go into medicine.

-You're really frightened by the thought of some of your classmates becoming doctors.

-You go a week without sleeping with no problem at all.

-Grey's Anatomy, House, Scrubs, Dr. 90210, Nip/Tuck and ER are your favorite shows, but you point out all the wrong things in them all the time.

-You have diagnosed yourself or others with at least 5 rare diseases (PML, Kaposi's sarcoma, Measles, Rheumatic Heart Disease, etc.)

Friday, May 18, 2007

Reflection in chaos

1500 word essay on Critical Learning Incident

Due date: 3 days

Current progress: 0.5% (I wrote my name)





Chaos, total chaos. But in this chaos, I begin to introspect. And experience another shift in perspective.

From that of a busy medical student, drowning in a heap of assignments and holding on for dear life to my spartan schedule. Meeting new people, keeping up with friends, remembering names, forgetting names. Maintaining exam grades. Cramming towards exams. Studying to avoid failure. Living in fear of failure. And hoping for the day when all of this will finally end, and enjoy the fruits of my labour. All in a day's work.


A mistake was made somewhere. Being stuck within that frame of mind.


Of living day to day


Where's my joy in seeking knowledge? My passion for people? My fondness of wisdom? My love of life?


I won't be another person trapped within the intricacies of life. A person too busy to live.

Walking through a forest: Exercise for the terminally bored

Got tagged by a friend studying in Melbourne, for this. Seems interesting enough.


Section I: Write a story, by answering these questions as if you're telling a story.
So you're walking along in a forest. What season is it?

After a while, you come to a wall. What kind of wall is it? (height, material, shape, etc..)

What do you do about it?

Further in the forest, you happen upon a cup. Describe the cup.

What do you do with it (if anything)?

Next you spot a knife. Describe the knife.

What do you do with it (if anything)?

Next you come across a body of water. What type of body of water is it?

What do you do about it?

Finally, the path you seemed to have made for yourself looks like it ends at a cave. What do you think of it?

What do you do about it?

The End.




Section II: Here's what your story means:

The journey through the forest represents your life. The way you feel about the season you picked represents the way you feel about life. If it's winter in your story and you love winter, you are enjoying your life.

The wall represents your problems in life. The height, material, and shape is your view of your problems' surmountability. What you do about it is how you face your problems.

The cup means your friends. What you do with it is you feel about them or how you treat them.

The knife is your view of marriage. What you do with it is how you feel about it.

The body of water is your view of sex. Was it a large ocean of opportunity? Was it a dirty puddle? Did you jump in? Did you drink it up? Did you pass it by?

The cave is your view of death. If you went in, you are not afraid of death.



Here's Melissa's:


I’m walking along in a forest; it’s an autumn - silent. Everything is like a still photograph. Nothing moves. Nothing breathes.

After a while I come to a wall, half buried in foliage, and rising up to my breast – I can see the horizon, still.

I touch the wall, and say something out loud. And then I move on.

Someone’s left a cup – it’s disposable, used. Small, plastic and discarded, with water left on the brim – not coffee, not wine – water. It too, is clean, like the wall. No dirt, no soil – just like the person holding it had let it fall from their fingertips and vanished.

I leave it. It feels like its final resting place.
Someone’s bread/cake knife is lying on top of the leaves as if deliberately placed there.

I leave it, and move on.

I come across a lake, an opening, in the forest that’s large.

I sit on the wharf, lean on a post, and dip my feet in.

I come across a shallow cave, It’s dry, untouched. I feel mildly disappointed; I’d wanted a way out, to somewhere better than a cave. Somewhere better than a dead end.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?! I WROTE ALL THAT FOR A STUPID CAVE?!!

I pick up a sharp rock and draw a simple message into the back wall, and walk away.

The End




Here's how mine goes:


Im walking through a forest, its summer, the air is moist but cool.

I come across an old stone wall. It's all covered in moss...and I stare at the creepy crawlies scurrying around.

I chose not to climb it because of the bugs. A section of the wall is in ruins. I walk through the gap.

I stumble across a cup. It looks more like a bowl. A wooden bowl with intricate tribal carving on its outer surface. I pick it up and peer inside it. Dark rusty colour. Must have been sacrificial blood. I flung it away in disgust.

I found a knife. Cool. Antique bronzy thing. Same intricate carving around the handle. I balance it on my hand. Mmm...nice craftmanship. I wonder how much I can get for it on eBay. It goes in my backpack.

Nearby, I spotted a spring. I immediately felt thirsty and drank from it. Nice cool refreshing water.

Hmm..the path leads to what looks like a large cave. Seems interesting. I enter it, expecting to see more remnants of some ancient tribal civilization.

Ze End


I hereby tag: Anna, Ben Gary, Min Chiee,Su Wen, Faye, Mau Ren, Li Mae, Ah Sher, Ji Keon, Li Wen, Pinkster and whoever else I know. Sorry, but too many names to remember. The more the merrier :P

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Tagged?

Been tagged by Faye. Getting late, but here goes..



1. Color of most clothes you own?
I don't keep track. Do stains count?

2. Number of pillows you sleep with.
One and a half. I place the bigger one over the smaller.

3. Where are you right now?
Why are you stalking me?

4. What are you doing 12 AM last night?
You won't know :)

5. How old will you be in 10 years?
29

6. What do you think you'll be doing in 15 years?
Brooding and being cynical...wait.......that's Dr. House

7. Do you have braces?
Never. They look good on some girls ;-)

8. Are you paranoid?
I'm paranoid of being paranoid.

9. Describe your wallet?
A bit garish, Topman, in black and red

10. Your alarm clock?
Is my Nokia N70

11. Your hair?
Kame-hame-ha. A cross between dragonball and ultraman

12. Tooth brush?
Manual, plastic, cheap

13. What color are your eyes?
Black? Brown? Somewhere in between

14. Unforgettable enemy?
Myself

15. First play/musical/performance?
Don't remember. Probably as a band geek on the snare drum.

16. Last movie seen in cinema?
Shooter...not bad, but pretty confusing story

17. Last person you yelled at?
My room mate when he scratches himself in the wee hours..drove me nuts

18. Last crush?
She doesn't know, probably. Let's keep it that way for now.

19. Last shoes worn?
Nikes. Don't like the logo though. Too flashy

20. Last ice cream eaten?
My daily Blackforest Blossom Cornetto :)

21. Last word written by hand?
My name

22. Last time you wanted to die?
When I die

23. When was the last time you went out at night?
To a mamak with a friend, sat night

24. What was the last song you heard?
You Get What You Give, New Radicals

25. What is about the opposite sex?
Takes a deep breath... :)

26. What do you want to do now?
Catch some shut eye, its getting late

27. What’s the first thing you ate this morning?
My toothpaste...accidentally

28. What’s the one song you never get over?
Your Heart Will Lead You Home, Kenny Loggins

30. Fav day of the week?
Monday

I hereby tag: Anna, Ben Gary, Min Chiee,Su Wen, Faye, Mau Ren, Li Mae, Ah Sher, Ji Keon, Li Wen, Pinkster and anyone else reading this.

note to self

obedience beats sacrifice

Saturday, May 12, 2007

The double dare

Finally completed the hair dye double dare thing with Hui Sze (pronounce her name fast enough and you get "weasel")

Result.




Venipuncture

Definition: Jamming a needle into someone's (another meddie's) arm and praying that you really hit a vein.




Puncturing a vein would result in haematoma (mine won't go away for a few weeks), an artery (a nice red fountain), a tendon (intense pain), the median, radial or ulnar nerve (loss of sensation/function or both)



Ignorance is bliss.




I felt strangely patriotic after that, because my arm ended up speckled in Malaysia's flag colours. Red, yellow, blue and white.



Too bad we couldn't bring back vials of our own blood. That would have been cool. Ah well.

Breast Examination

a.k.a. "how to stare at examine and prod akwardly at palpate female assets without being an actual pervert"










Tons of good clean fun for the kids. Or not.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Everything Fades Away

I'm a bit depressed, so I wrote this song to pass the time. The chords are for guitar obviously.

And an early recording:




Everything Fades Away

V1

E A
The storm clouds gathering
B A
Little Voices telling me that
C#m B A B
The future's quit smiling back at me


E A
Joy's sitting in a prison cell
B A
Suffering's out on a long parole
C#m B A B
When will justice come on back


V2

E A
The shades of fear and hate
B A
Starts rearing its ugly head
C#m B A B
Will forgiveness cease to prevail


E A
My tongue's a lashing whip
B A
Belts out all hostility
C#m B A B
It's victims are closest to me



Pre-chorus:


F#m B
I wonder if I'll make it
F#m B
And finish this race called life





Chorus:


C#m A B
But when I'm in your presence
C#m F#m B
Everything fades away
C#m A B
You pick me up when i've fallen
F#major A
And give me hope to believe

Friday, May 4, 2007

Silence

Ever felt the urge to speak disappear when you're with someone?


And whats left is a silence, a void of sound...save for the background noise, crickets chirping etc.








This silence can either be comforting or painfully akward, depending on who you're with. I suspect the latter is more common between the two genders.



As for me, it's a strange mixture of both. Communicating is not all about talking. Nor about being funny or interesting. Sometimes, chemistry between two souls is strongest when no words are exchanged at all. When I stone, it does not mean I lost interest in you. My mind's just blank, like a slate. Still appreciate the company though.



Silence speaks volumes.





Perhaps this gives new meaning to 'SHUT UP'. Just my five cents.

Copyright © 2007 Christopher Sim. All rights reserved. Any infringement would result in mutilation, public humiliation and perhaps decapitation. Do you get the explanation or do you need a demonstration?