Uniquely Malaysian: The Ah Lian

In accordance to Visit Malaysia Year 2007, I would like to do my part in promoting Malaysia's rich and vibrant tapestry of cultures and traditions.

In Malaysia, in addition to our different races and religions, we have subcultures that transcend all of these...for example, bananas, mat rocks (endangered species in East Malaysia), the usual Bengs/Lians, trendy Minahs, high-achieving elitists, CheeKoPeks (tm) and the now famous Matt Rem-Pitts (Brad Pitt's adopted children?) to name a few.


Brad: Adoptive father to Matthew Rem-Pitt




Some of you will dismiss all these as stereotypes, and your eyeballs are probably halfway rolled up into their sockets already. Everyone hates being put into a box, right? Haha, cool down..cheer up emo kid and stop cutting yourself...and take all this with a pinch of salt!


Today, let us look at a group of special people that make Malaysia (and SIngapore) such a unique place to be:


AH LIANS

According to legend, Ah Lians can trace their heritage way back to the great matriarch Xiao Gurrl. The honorable Xiao Gurrl was said to have invented neoprint camwhoring. But the accuracy of this statement is widely disputed. The 16 year old Japanese schoolgirls, who also stake claim to this acheivement, beg to differ.



"They stole it from us", testifies angry japanese schoolgirl




Now let us proceed on to identifying them. The physical characteristics of an Ah Lian varies greatly. In layman's terms, got some pretty and some not-so lah! Ah Lians typically have long rebonded straight hair, athough some may choose the more "romantic" wavy style. Ah Lians love to dye their hair into a dirty-blondish colour. But nows-aday, it's fashionable among women to have rebonded hair, so you'll have to look harder!




Ayumi Hamasaki, with Ah Lian hairstyle





Ah Lians also have a dress code they adhere religiously to. The typical Ah Lian wears a revealing tube top or spaghetti strap. Tops should be tight-fitting and small, regardless of body size and shape. They usually match this with tight low-cut jeans or denim miniskirts. The risk for zao geng is notoriously high compared to the general female population (CheeKoPeks rejoice!). Certain brands have become more popular among the Ah Lian crowd, most notably PMK, Giordano and VonDutch (the ones bought at a bargain from pasar malams)


"Good place to find branded stuff, budden hor, donno why so cheap", says Ah Lian


On to the less superficial stuff. Ah Lians are amazingly social people, and they are often seen with their group of Jie Meis ("sisters" in Mandarin, for the uninformed). They tend to prefer their JieMei's to be a bit less chio (pretty) than them. Their favourite haunts include Sungei Wang Plaza (KL) and Wisma Saberkas (Kuching). They tend to frequent boutiques that sell slutty sexy cute outfits, and most importantly, pink ones! Bubble tea bars rely on the Ah Lian/Beng community to survive. They speak a loose mix of mandarin, hokkien, cantonese and broken english. They are exceptionally fluent in "Hokkien chau wa" but reserve this for catfights and so on. The best place to find an Ah Lian is at a Wang Lee Hom or Jay Chou concert. Leng-chais (Handsome Guys) such as them have a huge Ah Lian fanbase. On Valentine's Day, they would expect a ton of plush animals from their Beng "lomeos".




Ah Lian Sentral, in Kay Elle





Lee Hom: Object of worship



Ah Lians are also prominent on social networking websites, namely Friendster. You can identify them by their screen names, which tend to be super-cute. Some people consider these plain annoying or stupid. But I myself consider them unique in a Malaysian way :)

Eg. MILKster PINKy baobei Pinkalicious missiprincess dolli CoCo LaLa xiaokeaiix. Note that they tend to name their pets similarly.




Typical Ah Lian Profile




In their friendster profiles, they include strange details about themselves, namely their height, weight and pet names. They also tend to add friends indiscriminately, necessitating the creation of several accounts. The more friends they have, the more secure they feel. They have a distinct vocabulary, with liberal use of "wOr" "nEhz" 'kEkEx' "mAhz" and usually TyPE LiKe tHis as they regard this as cute. Ah Lians are notable camwhores, and together with socialites account for more than half of all camwhores in Friendster. They try their best to make their profile photos as cute as possible. Some edit their photos with Microsoft Paint to emulate neoprint stickers. AND the more demure ones tend to use Jay Chou or some other celebrity as their profile pic.




Typical Ah Lian profile




A chio Ah Lian camwhoring







So ends my short observation on our unique and wonderful Ah Lians. Without them, Malaysia will just not be Malaysia. Malaaayyyssiiiaa Trruulllyyy Asssiiiiaaa!





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My Ah Lian Pic, kekexz


DAMN GHEY ONE!